Sunday, 14 August 2016

Elizabeth to the Rescue... Now who's going to Rescue me?

I have always been the type of person who loves to help others. I will jump at the chance to assist someone in need. Just always want to help those around me... especially my friends. 

A couple of weeks ago, I had a friend who was not feeling well, and I wanted to nothing more than help. The problem was, I didn't know what to do, or how to make this person feel better. I was stuck. I was out with some YSA when I found out the missionaries were going to visit this person. I immediately volunteered to go with them to the lesson. 

I felt bad leaving the group of people I was with, but it was something I had to of. This is what I told the person who organized the event, who also happens to be my visiting reaching companion. She later texted me back saying "Elizabeth to the Rescue" she also said we were comps for a reason, because I love the rescue as well. This is 100% true. I love it so much; I love feeling like I have done some good. 

The next day, mu anxiety took hold again and I ended up telling a friend that I felt like I was getting too emotionally attached. I felt like I was putting in more effort than I was getting, and I really didn't like that feeling. I received a reply saying that I was their fried and they appreciate the friendship. 

Appreciate. That word really got to me. Appreciate. they appreciate the friendship, but that's it. That's when I realized, that's all I ever am, is appreciated. People are happy when I do things for them, but when it comes to showing love and gratitude, they are not able to show the same level that I am to them. This really made me think. I am always available to help others, but who is there to rescue me?

I love my friends dearly, and I do believe that they would do things for me, but of course there are moments when I have my doubts. I really do feel that in most cases, they would feel as though they are simply returning a favour and not actually helping me out of love. I sadly know that no one I know would drop what they are doing to assist me. 

While this is something that I am slowly coming to terms with, it still hurts a little. I'm not perfect, and I have a lot going on in my life. There are times when all I want is a hug, but there is no one around. My anxiety causes me to feel that I am annoying to others and burdening them with my problems, so I tend to just keep them to myself, but that doesn't mean I don't have them. I want to know that there is someone who won't ignore me when I am trying to figure something out or am going through a difficult time. 

It's funny, because until I was writing this, I really did feel alone. I felt like there was no on there. but then I remembered. It's people. People are not there for me. there is someone who is there for me, but he is more than just people; he is my Lord and my Saviour. I am so often overwhelmed with feelings of loneliness that I will forget that he is there to pick me up when I fall. He has already made so many sacrifices for me, and is still willing to make more. It makes me feel so food to know that there is someone on my side, but also a little guilty that I don't do enough for him. 

I love the lord so much, and I am grateful to know of all the sacrifices that he has made for me and just how much it is that he loves me. I am grateful for the gospel in my life, because without it, I really don't know where I would be. 

I still love the rescue, and I don't plan on stopping. But now I am able to feel more accomplished, and more loved that ever before. 


Monday, 8 August 2016

Why I write what I write.

Some of the posts that I write seem a little bit depressing. I know that. I apologize. I really don't mean to be a downer. I want to be happy. I want to show others how amazing life can be. But I go through periods of time when I don't feel like that.

Some of the writing that I do for the blog is fuelled by anxiety and feelings of loneliness. It is how I am able to process what I am thinking at put things into perspective. But I really want to share some of these thoughts with all of you. I want people to understand what it can be like to have to do this from time to time.

There are times where I am going to be posting about feelings of loneliness. I just want to let those that work so hard to help me and try to understand me... I am not trying to undermine your efforts. I love and appreciate you so much.

These are just the thoughts I am having in the moment when I am down. I know you are there for me, but sometimes I lose focus of what I have. I will likely not be feeling the same way when I type it out and hit the old publish button, but I feel the need to share these thoughts.

Of course I want to share all of my really fun adventures with you as well... You know, as soon as I have some. And I promise, they will be fun. But there will also be times when that is not the case.

I love you all, and please bear with me as I work through some of the struggles that I am facing.


Saturday, 6 August 2016

And they called it Puppy Love

This adorable little animal on the left of your screen is my dog Dodger. Dodger is 9 months old and all puppy. While he is very naughty, he has a lot going for him. He is smart, always happy, determined and stubborn, loving, and very loyal.

The thing about Dodger, is that he and I have a lot in common, especially being loving and loyal. Once I begin spending a lot of time with someone, I start to care for them deeply and really take the time to understand them. I also want to spend more time with them. I am basically a puppy in all my friend groups.

These puppy like qualities are great for the people that I am spending my time with. I will do anything for them; all they have to do is ask. Half the time, they don't have to do that... I just offer. But frankly, these qualities are not always good for me. It is because of my loyalty that I am easily taken advantage of and hurt.

Now, I am not saying that the people I hang out with wouldn't do anything for me. And I am not saying that they don't love me too. I know I have great friends. I have friends who will take the time to talk me down when I am wound up or anxious. I really do love them for that. But I still have a difficult time shaking the feeling that people only just tolerate me. I also feel that they will just pick up and leave whenever they feel like it. This is not a feeling that I would wish on anyone.

It's because of these feelings that I find myself pushing people away a lot. I will become short, and sometimes just plain mean. I am try to get people to leave because I feel that it will hurt less if I know what I did and why it's my fault.

To those who spend time with me, please just have patience with me. I can be really happy and feel totally accepted by you one day, but the next, I will feel like you want nothing to do with me. Every once in a while, remind me that you are there. If you notice that I am off, please acknowledge it. Invite me places, even if I don't always want to go, it makes me feel like you do actually want to spend time with me.

I apologize to my friends. If you feel that I can be too needy, I am sorry. I try to maintain my independence, and not depend on others. In fact, I try to make it so others depend on me. I really try not to bother others when I get upset, but there are times when I just can't handle it on my own. It does get lonely at times, and I need to know that when I need you, you are there.

I know that I have great friends, I love them to bits. But when I have feelings of anxiety, it is hard to put things into perspective, and I forget. I am thankful for those who have worked to help me out. I hope that you can continue to depend on me, just as I have been able to depend on you.


"Believe in God and in Yourself. You are doing better than you think you are" - Elder Jeffery R. Holland

Friday, 5 August 2016

Institute and the People who Make it Possible

The last 14 weeks have been an amazing experience! I had the wonderful experience of attending the "Jesus Christ and the Everlasting Gospel" institute class at church. I was able to get together with a group of young single adults once a week and talk about Jesus Christ's life and ministry here on earth, as well as his second coming. There was such an incredible spirit there, and it was worth sacrificing my free time once a week.

A group of us after an amazing institute class!
Institute is an incredible program! I really don't think there is anything else like it. getting young people to come together to discuss religion and a variety of spiritual topics does not seem like a very popular idea. But there always seen to be a lot of people driving a fair distance to attend. This past week we had 25 students in our little class!

While we are there, we are able to learn from each other and grow together. We also find ourselves in deep discussions about different principles of the gospel. The spirit is always there testifying of the things we learn. It has been fantastic watching testimonies grow over the past few weeks; including mine.

I am grateful for the opportunity that I have to participate in this program, and for the inspiration that had to be received to start it. However, none of this would be possible without certain people involved. So let's take a few minutes to talk about the Budgett's!

Elder and Sister Budgett are currently here in Toronto serving as CES missionaries for the church. They spend their time teaching institute classes four days a week to a bunch of crazy YSA. This is a calling that requires large amounts of preparation and patience. Luckily for us, the Budgett's are absolutely amazing! Actually though, I want to be them when I grow up.

The Budgett's are smart, patient, kind, caring, determined, and have such strong testimonies that they always want to share. The thing that makes the Budgett's so special to us is the pure love they have for each member of their class; they have become our family. They take the time to listen to us, and support us in the decisions we make. All they really want is to see us remain faithful, and happy in our lives.

Rich, L. (2010). Institute
Homepage [online image]
These wonderful people have been such an incredible example to me. I hope that one day I can be as loving, faithful, and wonderful as they are. I want to be able to share my love and testimony as they do. I look forward to getting to know them over the next year as they continue serving their mission, and following their example.

I plan on continuing to follow the council given to me many times by making institute a priority. I also plan on continuing to grow and learn through this program as well as through my wonderful leaders in the church. I love the gospel, and know with all my heart that it is true. I am so grateful for the education programs that the church has put in place and the influence that it has in my life. I hope and pray that it is beneficial for others the way it has benefited me.


I need to stop depending so much on others for approval.

Tuesday, 2 August 2016

Trials and Friendship

I have been lucky enough to have been blessed with absolutely wonderful friends. These are friends who are always there to support me; they are always there for me. I have had quite a few trials recently, and I have been able to turn to them for anything. Even though there are times that I feel like such a burden to them, I know that they are not going anywhere!

My friends do such a wonderful job taking care of me, that I want them to know that I am there for them. I want to be able to take care of my friends the way they do for me, no questions asked. The only problem with that is that some of my friends are the most stubborn people that you will ever meet. Some of them will just not ask for help, and others will not take it when offered. I also have friends who will retreat when they are going through a difficult time.

We all go through trials, and we all handle them in different ways. I want to be able to understand my friends, what they are going through, and the help they need; I want to give them the best care I can give them. 

There are some cases though where I am not going to know what to do, and that hurts. I do not like seeing my friends in pain. But there is one thing that I can do. These are the friends that I need to pray for. I just need to keep praying and putting my faith in the Lord. I have the faith that the Lord can work miracles in their lives and can guide them through their situation. 

I actually had a wonderful discussion with a friend about this today. I was sharing my concern for a mutual friend who chooses to retreat when faced with a hard time. I want to help this person as he has helped me, but it's extremely difficult when they do not want to talk. She basically reminded me that I am doing what I need to. I am reaching out a helping hand and praying for this person. She also reminded me that I need to trust that the lord will do the rest.

While I may not be able to help them directly, I know that my friends are in good hands. Our Heavenly Father has the power to lift us and carry us when times are tough, and I know that he will never leave us alone! I love our lord and saviour, and know that he loves me and those who are in my life as well. I truly believe that he will take care of us.