Thursday, 28 July 2016

High Heels and Self Worth

Stokpic. (2014, October 24). High Heels [online image]. 
Retrieved from

There are many different reasons that people wear high heels. Some wear them because they look fantastic, others because they match their outfit. I am sure there are many reasons why, but I most certainly cannot think of them all. But I am going to tell you all a little secret... while I wear high heels for the many countless reasons there are, thats not my main reason. I wear high heels because they make me feel like I am worth something.

I once read something someone had posted on whisper. This person stated the clacking sound high heels make, made her feel important. As soon as I read this post, I was floored. I immediately flashed back to my job downtown walking in the lobby on the tiled floor. I could see and feel everything so clearly. The lobby was pristine, and had an adequate amount of people. I was standing tall, straight, and my head was held high. I could hear the intensity of the clacking under my feet. I felt important. I felt like people were looking at me thinking that I knew where I was going, and I knew what I was doing. I didn't feel like the hot mess that I normally am. Why could I not have this confidence all the time?

My own individual self worth is something that I personally have struggled with for a long time. I am constantly crippled with feelings of doubt and inadequacy. I find it overwhelming at times, but it is not something that I have shared with anyone. 

The many situations in my life have not always made it ideal for me to work on these feelings. As soon as one issue gets resolved, another one pops up. As a child, I was often bullied. It was never physical or violent. The other kids at school would talk about me behind my back, loud enough so that I could hear it, as well as insult me on the way that I looked or acted. This is what really started allowing me to feel so poorly about myself. I figured, if others felt that way about me, it must be true. It was sadly many years of me feeling this way. Now, I am not going to pretend that I do not still feel this way from time to time, but thankfully with the support of some amazing people, I have been able to feel this way less and less.

Johnhain. (2014, August 23). 
Self Doubt [online image]. 
Retrieved from
Unfortunately though, tragedy strikes from time to time. When this happens though, it has been less of me thinking that people in general don't like me, but I question whether or not my Heavenly Father truly loves me, or if that is something that people just say. Growing up in the church, I have learned from an early age that our Heavenly Father loves us. This is something that I always believed, of course until I was given a trial of faith. I never stopped believing that he loved his children, I just really started to believe that he loved everyone but me.

I began to let all those past feelings of self-doubt creep back into my life and take over again. It was self consuming. I began to retreat, I began to hide. I slid back into the habits that I had in high school, my introverted tendancies came through again. I didn't want to socialize. I was even questioning whether or not I wanted to keep going to church. I really didn't know how to make myself feel like I was important in the eyes of my Heavenly Father and Saviour Jesus Christ. I wanted to know I was loved.

At first, it felt like nothing helped. I was going to church, and institute, and they were constantly preaching about how much our Heavenly Father loved us. I kept thinking in the back of my mind, yes, if only that were true. I really don't know what happened over the course of the past little while. I just kept doing what I was doing. I actually began to progress spiritually, and I began thinking it less and less. I have progressed quite a bit lately, and I feel that my testimony has been strengthened so much in the past little while, but unfortunately, old habits die hard. I have been known to, on occasion, become consumed with these feelings of self doubt again. 

Public Domain. (2015, April 06). 
Christus statue temple square salt lake city[online image]. 
Retrieved from
I am however, so fortunate to have the gospel in my life as well as wonderful friends. Friends who remind me of how wonderful the gospel is, and the loving sacrifice that our saviour had made for us. In a conversation just the other day with a friend he told me "we need to seek a deeper self-worth through christ so that even if we have superficial surroundings, that doesn't sway us from the central message of the gospel, that Jesus died for us". This message meant so much to me. He helped me to fully understand that as I continue to look up to Christ, I will be able to develop a deeper sense of self worth, and fully comprehend the love that he does have for me.

Our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ love us so much. Christ died for us on the cross so that we could return to live with them again. There will be times in our life when our understanding and belief of that will be tested. I may not have been able to say this a year ago, but I can now say with a fullness of heart, that I know that my Heavenly Father does love me. Christ sacrificed his life for me, and is always willing to support me and be my advocate. I love the Lord and Saviour, and even though there may be times that I am distracted and forget, I know that they do truly care and they are there for me, and I can always turn to them through prayer for support and guidance.


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